I had planned on getting the divorce paper work started this afternoon but my brother in law talked me into hold off. He strongly recommends that we give marriage counseling a try before calling it quits. I really respect his opinion because he's been to counseling before and have experience how helpful it can be. Also he really knows the importance of a family staying together when kids are involved.
That's in light of the fact that she has changed her mind and is now willing to go to counseling and want to save the marriage. But I'm very suspicious of this abrupt reversal in her attitude. She did an about face in like 30 minutes and I sensed something didn't feel right. I could be wrong, but I can't be absolutely sure she doesn't have an ulterior motive. Yesterday she was pleading for me to give her a second chance and I refused. I had been wanting to escape for so long, I'm not about to give her another chance to hurt me again. I want to bail now and that is the best decision for me, absolutely.
But breaking up the family is not the best decision for our son. That I'm certain of. I don't want him to suffer anymore damage to his life if I can help it. And if she is genuine about really want to change maybe there is a chance to save the marriage, I don't know. I have a hard time trusting anything she says right now. I'm going to need to sleep on this.
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Once the word "divorce" been spoken, you should just start to make yourself stronger and ready to be a single parent ,financially and mentally with or without her. Give the marrriage a try as much as you can. It is the most easy and best way out if it works. But you will not be as unprepared as you are now if it is not.
ReplyDeleteWill try to be ready the best I can.
ReplyDeleteThanks.
I'm so glad to hear she's agreed to counseling. You *should* go even if she backs out again--not because you're crazy but because you could use the advice and input from somebody who has a lot of experience with these situations.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with counseling, I hope it helps.
I feel that you are at the point of no return.
ReplyDeleteMy first husband finally agreed to counseling when he saw that I was serious about throwing in the towel.
At that point, it did little good. He wasn't really interested in being introspective and making things right. And there was too just too much bad stuff that had happened for me to let it go.
My life has turned out to be so much better, sweeter than I could have imagined. The first year afterward was rough in terms of dealing with his anger and his making things bad for our son to try to make me feel bad. I ended up having to move an hour away to give us some space.
My second husband is a much better partner for me, he understands me and accepts me for who I am. You only have one life, why waste it trying to fix something that is so totally broken? Marriage counseling is not going to change her. It would make a bad situation tolerable at best. And who wants to go through life hoping for tolerable, when there is the hope for so much more?
Shannon,
ReplyDeleteYes I will go to counseling too. My next post is about how impossible it is to get marriage counseling services from Kaiser here in Santa Clara.
Thanks for your support.
tamjenic,
Yes I was feeling like I'm at the point of no return. If it wasn't for our son, I'd be gone.
But I need to try to keep the family together for his sake.
Good for you that your life is better now.
Thanks for your support.